Lumpy Moose, Ace Attorney
by Roxius
Summary: A Phoenix Wright parody! Lumpy is a defense attorney and he must defend Flippy in court against the prosecutor Disco Bear and the witnesses Flaky, Pop and Nutty! But...who really commited the crime? Contains violence gore. Please R & R!
1. Chapter 1

_October 11, 3:24 PM, Moose & Co. Law Offices_

It was an ordinary day at Moose & Co. Law Offices. Defense Attorney Lumpy, who was the only person there since his assistant Toothy died in an unfortunate incident involving cream pudding, was busy playing with a rubber duck, hoping someone would require his services in the court of law. Of course, since Lumpy was the most inexperienced attorney this side of Happy Tree Town, there wasn't much chance of him getting a case.

Suddenly, the phone rang. It was such a uncommon sound in the office that it took Lumpy a few seconds to realize what it was. When he did, he let out a demented little chuckle and picked up the reciever, eager to finally get some work to do. "Hello. This is Moose & Co. Law Offices. I am the defense attorney of the residence, Lumpy Moose. This better not be the police again, because I already said I'm not stalking that skunk girl!"

The voice on the other line was quiet for a few moments before replying, "...This is the detention center warden, you retard! Look, just come down here! It seems we've actually found a case for you to take up...faggot..." Lumpy's eyes widened with excitement! He finally had a client! Now he could go and battle against the law just like his daddy!

"I'll be right over!" Lumpy exclaimed before slamming down the phone and running out the door, still ignoring Toothy's rotting corpse lying on the office couch...

* * *

_October 11, 3:45 PM, Detention Center _

The detention center looked just like it did when Lumpy was arrested about a month ago for accidently suffocating somebody with cream pudding (Yeah, he's the one who killed Toothy). 'I wonder who it is that I have to defend...?' Lumpy asked himself as he walked up the front desk. "Hey..." Lumpy started to ask, but the man at the front desk just pointed down the hall and snarled, "He's down there...he's suspected of mass homocide, so be careful..."

Lumpy shrugged and made his way down the hall, ignoring all the other prisoners who were glaring menacingly at him. At the end of the hall was a glass wall. And behind that glass was a small room with a chair and a door. And sitting on the chair...was a little green bear wearing a uniform.

'This is my client, huh?' Lumpy pondered. His client didn't look very threatening for a killer.

Taking a seat on the chair on the other side of the glass window, Lumpy put on a weak smile and asked, "So...I've been assigned to defend you in court. First, though, you'll need to tell me your name..." The green bear took in a deep breath and, with a sad look of hopelessness, said:

"My name...is Flippy. I am suspected of a mass homocide of about...six people. All of them were good friends of mine..." He almost looked like he was going to start crying. Lumpy let out a sigh and mumbled, "Hmm...this might be harder than I thought..."


	2. Chapter 2

"So...tell me exactly what happened. How did your friends die?" Lumpy asked as he dipped a fry in ketchup. He had bought some McDonald's a bit before coming to the Detention Center. Flippy stared intensely at the blood-colored sauce for a few seconds before snapping out of it. Although Lumpy noticed it, he just shrugged it off. That mad look in the bear's eyes for that one moment probably had nothing to do with this case, anyway.

"Well...I was invited to a party." Flippy began, "It was for Cuddles, I think. It was his birthday. The party was to start around 2, and me and a group of friends went to Cuddles' house early at 1 pm to prepare. Flaky, who was one of the survivors, had taken Cuddles out for lunch so we wouldn't be interrupted. Needless to say, the entire thing worked out and the party went off without a hitch. It wasn't until I heard a loud popping noise that I lost consciousness...then, when I woke up, everyone was dead..."

Lumpy nodded a few times before finally saying, "Then...you're obviouosly not the killer."

Flippy gave him an incredulous look.

Lumpy took a bite of his burger and replied, "You see, my name is in the title of this episode, so I must obviously do something good, so I'm probably gonna win this case! It's a snap!" Flippy just rolled his eyes and sighed. 'I am so, so screwed...'

"Was there anything suspicious about the crime scene?" Lumpy asked when this question suddenly formed in his head. Flippy closed his eyes tightly, having trouble forcing himself to remember such a grim scene.

"Well...I know they had all been violently murdered, but I wasn't sure how. Flaky was in the other room when she walked in and saw the destruction. Nutty was there, too, but he looked a little dazed at the time. Hmm...what else...what else...Ah!" Flippy's eyes seemed to grow as big as dinner plates.

"I remember now! A white powder! Along with...with the blood...a white powder was blown about all over the room! I know it now! I remember getting some blown into my mouth! It was...it was...sugar!"

Lumpy thought this was a very useful bit of information. 'Sugar, huh? That's odd...' Getting up from his chair, Lumpy brushed himself off and exclaimed, "Don't worry, Flippy! I'm going to go to the crime scene and collect evidence! Then...I shall defend you in court!"

Flippy showed off a weak smile as Lumpy ran out the door and into the street, only to cause a car to swerve and hit into a tree before exploding...

* * *

_October 11, 4:16 PM, Cuddles' House_

It truly was a gory mess. Blood and sugar was splattered all over the house. Body parts were strewn across the floor. Lumpy closed his eyes in disgust and let out a deep sigh. He had only taken a step into the house when an obnoxious voice reached his ears:

"Hey, funk-man! What'cha think ya doin' in my crib, yo?"

It was Prosecutor Disco Bear, a rival of Lumpy's and his opponent in this case. He not only had the personality of worn-out 80's wannabe, but he dressed like one, too: he wore a flashy yellow suit and he had a huge orange afro, his pride and joy. Without his hair, Disco Bear would have just been a nobody. Actually...he still is a nobody.

"I'm...here to investigate and gather evidence!" Lumpy snarled with a vengence. Brushing his golden 'fro with a dazzling comb, Disco Bear smirked and replied, "Don't even bother, dawg! It's pretty obvious the defendant is the culprit! I mean...he is the only one of the survivors who's sane, ma-man!" Lumpy decided to question Disco Bear on that statement.

Chuckling, Disco Bear explained. "You see...the two witnesses we currently have, Nutty and Flaky...they're both sad little nut jobs. Nutty is an isane piece of shit with barely any idea of what is going on around him, and Flaky...she's been traumatized for life. An emotional wreck, I tell ya. Bada-Bing. We had to have the police keep an eye on her just so she won't commit suicide..."

'That's sad...that's really sad...' Lumpy thought, shaking his head.

"Anyway...I'm done here. See you later...alligator!" And with that, Disco Bear did a quick series of funky-fresh dance moves...and left. Lumpy sighed and began examining the crime scene. With that pompous son of a bitch gone now, he could finally get down to work!

Eventually, Lumpy collected all the evidence he needed: An empty bag of sugar, a porn magazine, a trash bag with blood on it, a patch of lime-green fur, and some other stuff. As he climbed into his car, Lumpy smiled. "I will win this case! Ga ha ha ha ha hee ha hee ha!"

Soon, the trial will begin...and soon...

A certain Happy Tree Friend will be found guilty...


	3. Chapter 3

_October 13,_ _9:47 AM, __District Court, __Defendant Lobby No. 2_

"A-Are you really sure you know what you're d-d-doing?" Flippy asked nervously. It was almost time for the trial to begin and Lumpy was looking over the evidence for the fifth time today. He had a look of pure seriousness on his face.

"Don't worry," he replied without even looking up, "The moment this trial starts, I'll butt in, declare you're innocent, and then we're home-free! Simple as that!" Packing his evidence back into his suitcase, Lumpy stood up, brushed himself off and walked into the courtroom.

Flippy slapped his hand against his face and thought miserably, 'I'm doomed...'

* * *

_October 13, 10:00 AM, District Court, Courtroom No. 2_

The moment Lumpy took his seat at the defense bench, the entire courtoom burst into noise as the jury spoke amongst themselves. The judge, a pink old mole wearing spectacles, banged his gavel several times and exclaimed, "The court is now in session for the trial of Mr. Flippy." Almost immediately, the room became silent.

"The Prosecution is ready, Your Honor." Disco Bear exclaimed as he nonchalantly brushed his afro for the tenth time in four minutes. Lumpy rolled his eyes and thought, 'Asswipe...always trying to show off...' When the judge asked if he was ready as well, the blue moose just smirked and exclaimed:

"YOUR HONOR...MY CLIENT, FLIPPY, IS INNOCENT!"

The entire courtroom was quiet for a few minutes before the judge said, "...Mr. Lumpy. At least wait until we actually START the trial before bursting out like that..." Lumpy grinned sheepishly and looked down at the floor in disappointment. Chuckling to himself, Disco Bear began his opening statement.

"The defendant, Flippy, was found at the scene of the crime covered in blood, holding a dirty knife. We have evidence that proves that he was the murderer...as well as we have THREE witnesses to confirm our suspicions!" The judge just nodded to show he understood.

Lumpy's eyes widened in shock. 'Damn him! He told me there were only two witnesses! Where did he get this other person?' Noticing the angry look on Lumpy's face, Disco Bear couldn't help but smirk. "You may now call the first witness, Mr. Bear..." the judge said when he noticed the tense atmosphere between the two attorneys.

Slamming his hand onto the desk, Disco Bear exclaimed, "The prosecution calls the officer at the scene, Detective Shifty, to the stand!"

A dark-green raccoon wearing a fedora stepped up the witness stand and grinned somewhat mischeviously. He didn't look much like a detective, and he was digging through a wallet he had just stole (It was Lumpy's). "Witness...please state your name and profession."

The raccoon named Shifty quickly stuffed the wallet into his pocket and said, "My name's Detective Shifty, sir! I'm the detective in charge of homocide cases at precinct, sir!" All of the sudden, he seemed to be acting too serious for his own good.

Disco Bear nodded and asked, "Now, detective...please describe to us the details of the mass murder..." Shifty saluted the prosecutor and began to explain the horrible incident.

"We recieved a call about the incident at around 3:00 PM and we arrived onto the scene at 3:15 PM. There were six victims, sir! A rabbit named Cuddles, an anteater named Sniffles, a chipmunk named Giggles, a beaver named Handy, a skunk named Petunia, and a deer named Mime. We didn't even need to bother checking if they were dead, sir. All of their bodies had been horribly mutilated..."

"That's horrible...I hope Flippy is given a good death sentence..." said the judge, ignoring the fact that the green bear hasn't even been announced guilty yet.

"Anyway...it took us a while to figure out the identities of the bodies, so we didn't know who they all were until about 7:45 PM that night, sir. Besides the blood, we also found large amounts of sugar to have been spread out all over the crime scene. At the moment, we are still at a lose of how the sugar came about, as we could find no evidence that supported it. And...that's pretty much it!" Shifty finished off his explanation and bowed once.

'Hmm...that testimony was kind of queer...and I mean it in a bad way...' Lumpy thought.

Turning to the blue moose, the judge slammed hsi gavel once and said, "Very well, Mr. Lumpy, you may begin your cross-examination!"

Lumpy smirked and replied, "With pleasure, Your Honor!"

----------------

CROSS EXAMINATION

-- Scene Of The Crime --

Thinking over what Shifty had explained only moments ago, Lumpy noticed something quite interesting.

Slamming his hand against the table (and effectively breaking it), Lumpy exclaimed, "HOLD IT! Detective Shifty, answer me this: Do you or anyone else at precinct know what happened during the 15-minute gap between the call and your arrival to the crime scene? Also, the defendant states that the party where the crime had happened started at 2, yet you recieved a call an HOUR after that? What's up with that...you fugly mofo?"

"I OBJECT TO THE DEFENSE INSULTING THE WITNESS LIKE THAT!" Disco Bear shouted, trying his best to shut Lumpy up.

Aiming his amazing pointer finger at the bear prosecutor, Lumpy shouted, "OBJECTION! THIS ISN'T A WITNESS, MAN! HE'S JUST A LOWLY DETECTIVE AND A KLEPTOMANIAC! BESIDES, I'M SURE YOU HATE HIM, TOO!"

"D-D-Do...Do I get a say in this?" Shifty asked nervously.

Both Disco Bear and Lumpy turned to him at the same time and screamed, "NO, YOU DON'T! NOW, ANSWER THE QUESTION SO WE CAN STOP YELLING!"

Sighing, Shifty took off his fedora and wiped the sweat from his brow. "Well, sir...we're not exactly sure what might have transpired. When we interrogated the witnesses (Nutty, Flaky, and the one MYSTERY witness), all of them had different times for when the murders started. The earliest time the deaths could have happened was at 2:30 PM. So...probably only the party, and then the murders occured during that empty space of time."

Lumpy cursed under his breath. 'All that yelling...and I just get a stupid answer? Godz! ...Wait, I think I have just the evidence I need to bring up a contradiction!' Pulling what looked like a empty grey bag out of his briefcase, Lumpy exclaimed, "HOLD IT! DETECTIVE SHIFTY, I HAVE FOUND AN ACTUAL CONTRADICTION IN YOUR EXPLANATION!"

Disco Bear rolled his eyes, unimpressed. "What would this 'contradiction' of yours happen to be, eh, Mr. Lumpy?" he asked in annoyance. Lifting the empty bag over his head, Lumpy exclaimed, "THIS, MY FRIENDS...IS AN EMPTY BAG OF SUGAR! IT'S THE EXACT SAME KIND OF SUGAR AS THE WHITE POWDER FOUND AT THE CRIME SCENE! I HAD FOUND THIS IN THE KITCHEN...AND THIS IS WHERE THE SUGAR CAME FROM!"

The entire courtroom was filled with an awkward silence. Finally, the judge asked, "...So? Why don't we have it checked for prints, and if anything comes up, then we'll see if it has any real importance to the case..."

- Empty Sugar Bag taken from Court Record, replaced with an old can of tuna (?) -

Sighing, Lumpy sat back in his seat and covered his eyes. 'Shit...all that work and I get nowhere! What the hell was that about?' Suddenly, the judge slammed his gavel on his desk and exclaimed, "I believe it is now time to call in the first witness, correct? Please bring him in, Mr. Bear..."

Bowing to the jury, Disco Bear exclaimed, "I would like to call...Flaky to the witness stand!"


	4. Chapter 4

_October 13, 10:51 AM, District Court, Courtroom No. 2_

It took almost an hour, but the baliff had finally gotten poor Flaky up onto the witness stand. The little porcupine girl was shaking from head to foot as she stood there, pieces of dandruff forming a big clump on the ground. She looked like she was going to lose consciousness any second. Bending slightly forward, Disco Bear calmly asked, "Witness...please tell us your name and profession."

Gulping, Flaky tried to stand up straight as she replied meekly, "M-M-M-My name is F-Flaky. I don't really have a job...I'm s-sorry..." Disco Bear nodded several times to himself before asking the next question. "Please explain to the court on what you witnessed on the day of the mass murder...if you can...foo shizzle."

'He's being especially nice to her...I wonder why?' Lumpy thought to himself, completely ignoring the fact that poor Flaky was mentally unstable at the moment. Taking in a deep breath, Flaky closed her eyes and spoke. Her voice was small and quite, making her words barely audible.

"Well...me and the others were hosting a party for, um, Cuddles. It was his birthday, you see. I wasn't there when the party itself was being set up, since I was keeping Cuddles away from his house so as not to spoil the surprise. Everyone was still alive when we came back, though. Then...while I was in the kitchen, I remembered I had forgotten a bag of sugar I bought while hanging out with Cuddles, so I ran into the other room to get it when I saw...I saw...oh god...the blood..."

Flaky was having trouble keeping herself from bursting into tears. The judge shook his head in disbelief. "That's horrible," he said quietly, "I'm sorry that such a young, sweet girl such as yourself had to see something so terrible..." Disco Bear crossed his arms and let out a huff, not even bothering to say anything.

Turning to Lumpy, the judge said, "Alright, Mr. Lumpy...please begin your cross-examination!"

------------

CROSS-EXAMINATION

-- The Deadly Party --

"So...you didn't actually SEE the murder take place?" Lumpy asked. Flaky's poor shivering head bobbed up and down gently. "Then...how can you be a witness to something that you didn't even see?" Lumpy snapped furiously. He was really hoping this could help him find a contradiction in the testimony.

"OBJECTION! IF YOU'D JUST LET HER TALK, THEN MAYBE YOU'LL SEE WHY SHE'S A WITNESS!" Disco Bear exclaimed. Flaky covered her head with her hands and screeched, "I...I HAD WALKED INTO THE ROOM JUST AS I SAW FLIPPY STAB MIME WITH THE KNIFE!" The entire courtroom burst out into explosions of words and mutterings between one another.

Slamming his gavel on the desk over and over, the judge cried, "Order! Order in the court! If you do not stop now, I will hold you all in contempt! Order! Order! Order in the court, I say!" Disco Bear brushed his fingers through his golden locks (?) and said, "Do you see now, Mr. Lumpy? We have complete proof that the defendant is the killer! We-"

"OBJECTION! MISS FLAKY, HOW DO YOU KNOW IF MAYBE FLIPPY WAS JUST REMOVING THE KNIFE FROM ONE OF THE VICTIMS? MAYBE HE WAS TRYING TO HELP HIM!" Lumpy asked, hoping to keep this case from turning sour.

Tears were pouring down the sides of Flaky's face as she screamed, "No! I saw what I saw! Flippy is a killer! He...he killed all my friends!" Lumpy slammed his hand onto the desk. "Then...testify about what you saw! Completely and utterly!" he demanded.

Taking in another deep breath for about the fifth time that day, Flaky started to speak on what she saw. "Well...when I walked into the room, the first thing I saw was Flippy standing over Mime's corpse, slowly pulling a knife from the body's forehead. However, Flippy...he was covered in blood...and sugar, of course. Then, I remembered that I had come into the room to get the...the sugar for the cake...and I fainted..."

Lumpy, Disco Bear, the judge, and everyone in the jury were deep in thought. 'That's odd,' Lumpy thought, 'Not only did she hesitate a bit before mentioning the sugar, but she was still a bit vague on whether she really saw Flippy kill anyone or not...hmm...what should I do?' Shrugging his shoulders, the blue moose decided to just do what he did best.

"OBJECTION! FLAKY, I NOTICED YOU SEEMED A LITTLE UNSURE ABOUT NOTICING THE SUGAR IN YOUR TESTIMONY! ALSO, YOU DIDN'T REALLY CLARIFY IF YOU ACTUALLY SAW FLIPPY KILL ANYONE! ANSWER CORRECTLY, OR I WILL-"

The judge banged his gavel down and shouted, "Mr. Lumpy, you are not allowed to shout at this particular witness! Do it again, and I will have you removed from court! Understand?"

Lumpy nodded his head, but he didn't seem to have actually heeded the warning. 'Dumb, wood-whacking son of a bitch!'

Suddenly, Flaky smacked her little hands onto the stand and said, "H-Hold on! I...I remember now! I did see him kill someone! And I saw the sugar! I did! I just...I just was too afraid to relive that horrible moment in my mind..."

"Well then...please explain to the court on what you saw..." Disco Bear said calmly. It seemed he had a plan...possibly.

"I-I...I did hear a scream, I remember now. When I ran into the room from the kitchen, I saw Flippy s-s-stabbing Mime all over the face, blood s-spewing everywhere. I then noticed all the sugar...and I fainted. But...I remember one last thing I saw...Flippy turning his head towards me with a look of pure malice in his eyes..."

Lumpy was at a loss for words.

Glancing up at the judge, Disco Bear said, "Your Honor, I do not believe we need to cross examine this witness anymore. She obviously has no contradictions...so I say we-"

"OBJECTION!!!! THE DEFENDANT COULD NOT HAVE BEEN THE KILLER!"

"W-What...what do you mean, Mr. Lumpy?" The judge asked inquisitively. Smiling, Lumpy exclaimed, "The defendant has told me that he honestly lost consciousness at one point during the party, BEFORE the murders! So, he couldn't have-"

Disco Bear let out a loud roar and shouted, "OBJECTION! HOW COULD YOU POSSIBLY EXPECT US TO BELIEVE SOMEONE WHO IS ACCUSED FOR MASS MURDER LIKE THAT? TELL ME, MR. LUMPY!!"

Unfortunately for Disco Bear, Lumpy had an answer. Reaching into his briefcase, he pulled out...a empty party popper. Lumpy cleared his throat before exclaiming, "The defendant says that he was enjoying the party when he suddenly heard a loud noise...and lost consciousness! This party popper may just be the loud noise he heard!"

Disco Bear cursed under his breath, unsure of what to say. Banging his gavel several times, the judge said, "I believe...for now, we will allow this witness to leave. We cannot obtain much more information out of her, as she obviously could not be lying on what she saw. However, it is also strange on who could have been the one really killing..."

'Hold on! How could you say you believe her testimony, and then talk about who the REAL killer is?' Lumpy thought, thoroughly pissed off.

Shaking his head, the judge exclaimed, "MR. BEAR, PLEASE BRING IN YOUR NEXT WITNESS!"

Disco Bear smirked and replied, "Your Honor...I call Pop & Cub to the stand!"


	5. Chapter 5

Since the witnesses, Pop and Cub, were currently residing at home, the judge called for a twenty-minute recess as the baliff and Prosecutor Disco Bear went to retrieve them. Feeling rather confident in himself, Lumpy walked out of the courtroom, only to be tackled by an enraged Flippy.

"What the fuck were you doing out there?" he hissed into the blue moose's ear, "You didn't help prove anything that shows I'm not the killer! I AM NOT GOING TO GET THE DEATH SENTENCE BECAUSE OF YOUR INCOMPETENCE!"

Lumpy wimpered a bit and sadly got up. Noticing he was about to cry, Flippy quickly put on a happy face and said, "Hey! Hey hey hey! Don't start crying, okay? Everything'll be fine! I believe in you...really!" It took a few more false words of encouragement on Flippy's part before Lumpy finally calmed down. When he did, a victorious smirk formed on the lips of the moose.

"Don't worry, Flippy. I wasn't able to do anything because the wrong witness was up at the stand. One of the other two witnesses is the real murderer and another witness has the information we need! So...prepare yourself for another life-endangering experience!" Lumpy exclaimed with a serious look.

Of course, he hadn't noticed that Flippy had walked away about two minutes ago. When the baliff finally returned with Pop and Cub in tow, Lumpy entered the courtroom...

* * *

_October 13, 11: 13 AM, District Court, Courtroom No. 2_

The entire courtroom was abuzz with the chatting of the jury until the judge banged his gavel several times on his desk. "Order! order! Court is now in session! We will now continue the trial of Mr. Flippy! Our next witness...please come to the stand!"

Before walking up to the witness stand, Pop patted Cub once on the head and left him to be watched over by one of the baliffs while he testified. He had a sad look in his eyes as he stared out into space, his mind reeling with thoughts of the incident. He looked like he hadn't eatten for several days.

Noticing this (although he couldn't actually see), the judge asked, "Err...witness? Are you feeling...well?" Before Pop could answer, Disco Bear smirked and replied, "Your Honor, please do not worry so much. Seeing such a horrible massacre has done a heavy toll on the witness's psyche. He is much more stable than Flaky, of course, but it has madeh im quite upset..."

The judge nodded understandingly and ordered Pop to give his testimony on what he witnessed of the murders. Taking in a deep breath, Pop took off his hat and began to speak in a quiet voice. As he spoke, Disco Bear seemed to be clinging on to every word. He really wanted there to be no contradictions.

"The murder began around 2:20, right? I was out on a walk with my son then when I heard the carnage from outside. I ran up to the window to see what was happening, except most of the glass was splattered in blood. It wasn't until I came to another window on the left side of the house that I saw a green guy stab a purple reindeer in the chest! That's when I called the police! Blood was everywhere..."

Nodding once, the judge banged his gavel and declared, "Mr. Lumpy...you may now begin your cross-examination..."

'So he's the one who called the police, eh? But...something doesn't add up...' Lumpy thought inquisitively, 'Hell...alot of things in this testimony don't add up...what's going on?'

--------

CROSS EXAMINATION

-- What I saw --

Immediately, Lumpy went after the most obvious contradictions. "HOLD IT! MISTER...UH...POP OR WHATEVER YOUR NAME IS, THERE ARE VERY NOTICABLE CONTRADICTIONS IN YOUR TESTIMONY! IT WASN'T UNTIL NOW DID WE HEAR ON WHAT TIME THE CRIME ACTUALLY HAPPENED, AND YOU DIDN'T MENTION THE SUGAR OR ANY REAL DETAILS ON THE PERSON YOU SAW KILLING MIME! ALSO, THE POLICE SAID THEY RECIEVED A CALL ABOUT THE MURDER AT 3:00 PM, SO WHY DID IT TAKE YOU SO LONG TO CALL? HUH? HUH HUH HUH HUH?"

Pop's eyes widened in shock. "S-Sugar?" he stammered, "I...I didn't see any sugar! All I saw was blood! And I knew what time it was because I had glanced at my watch a moment before I heard the screams! And...and I was just so traumatized! You had no idea! It took me a while just to get over what had happened before I could call the police! I swear it! I swear it!"

Disco Bear coughed once and said, "It seems we now have a more exact time on when the murder occured..."

The entire courtroom was buzzing with the excited whispers and murmurs of the jury as the judge continued to bang his gavel, ordering for silence. Lumpy still had a few more questions for Pop though, and there was nothing Disco Bear could do about it. "Tell me, Mr. Pop," Lumpy began, "Could you please go into a bit more detail about this 'green guy' you saw?" Disco Bear slammed both his hands onto his desk to get the court's attention.

"I OBJECT! IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW HE SAW THE DEFENDANT! IT WAS A 'GREEN GUY' AND THE ONLY PERSON WE KNOW THAT'S GREEN IS FLIPPY, WHO'S GOING TO PUT TO DEATH FOR WHAT HE DID!" Sweat was pouring down the afro bear's face as he said this, so he must have been trying to hide an important piece of info from the court.

Looking up at the judge, Lumpy asked, "Your Honor...I would like the witness to please go into further detail about the person he saw stabbing one of the victims. Would that be alright with you?" The judge seemed to be deep in thought for a minute before replying, "...Very well. Witness, please tell the court in detail of the person you saw commiting the murders..."

Pop nodded once and let out a sigh as he began to explain. "Well, when I looked through the window, there was a thin stain of blood on it, so it was a bit difficult to see. I could still make out that bastard's fur color, and he was wearing a soldier's uniform, and everything..."

"Was there anything you could clearly see that was out of the ordinary? Anything at all?" Lumpy asked, hoping to get Pop to slip up and say something contradictory. Pop placed a finger on his chin and thought hard about it. Suddenly, his eyes widened in shock.

"I...I do...I do remember seeing something strange..." Pop said quietly, "I think...that deer was stabbed once before breaking out that bushy-tailed monster's grip and running to the other side of the room, only to be stabbed once again. It was really horrible. That was when I turned away and ran off to collect my thoughts. I never saw any sugar in the room...I swear..."

It took a few minutes, but Lumpy finally caught sight of something odd in the testimony.

"A...A BUSHY TAIL? THE DEFENDANT DOESN'T HAVE A BUSHY TAIL, DAMMIT! HE'S A BEAR! TELL ME...WHAT COLOR WAS THE TAIL OF THIS MURDERER?"

"It...it was lime-green, I think..." Pop replied nervously.

Lumpy could have sworn he saw Disco Bear twitch slightly before shouting, "Are you saying that the murderer, dressed like Flippy, was...was actually...

...NUTTY?"


	6. Chapter 6

Banging his gavel several times to silence the jury, the judge turned to Prosecutor Disco Bear and cried, "M-Mr. Bear? What is the meaning of this? How...how can the killer be this 'Nutty' person?" Disco Bear was sweating bullets as he exclaimed, "You see, Your Honor, only one person in all of Happy Tree Village has lime-green fur AND a bushy tail...and that's Nutty, our resident nut case!"

Neither the judge nor the jury seemed to be understanding all this any better. "B-B-But...Mr. Bear, does this mean that Ms. Flaky's testimony is false? W-What...just what is going on here?" Lumpy wasn't really sure what was happening either, but he decided his best bet would be just to roll with it. 'Just look pretty and smirk like you know something...'

"I-I'm not sure what's going on either, Your Honor! However...since Nutty is one of our witnesses, I believe we should call him up to the stand and hear his testimony. It's the only thing we can do as of now..." Disco Bear replied hopelessly. He looked ready to smash his face against the wall at any second.

The sound of the judge's gavel suddenly rang through the court room. Turning to the baliff, he exclaimed, "Baliff...please bring Mr. Nutty to the stand!"

* * *

An awkward feeling of confusion filled the room when Nutty came up to the stand. For some reason...he was calm. Both of Nutty's eyes wereclearly focused, his fur was devoid of any sugary treats, and he looked more serious than he ever had in his whole life. It was like this was a whole different person. 

It took about a minute for Disco Bear to force himself to finally ask, "Err...witness, you ARE Mr. Nutty, aren't you...?" The air in the courtroom seemed a lot stiffer than before.

This lime-green squirrel sitting in the witness chair nodded and replied in a strange dignified voice, "Yes, believe it or not, I AM Nutty. The reason I am like this is because I have finally cured myself of my sugar addiction. About two years visiting a psychiatrist weekly aided me in my search to become my own person again. I had been fully cured about a month ago..."

Slamming his hands on his desk, Lumpy said, "I have no idea what you're talking about, but I think it would be best if you got on with your testimony, Mr. Nutty!" The judge agreed with Lumpy's statement, so Nutty began his description on what happened the day of the murders.

"Well," Nutty began, "I remember I was busy looking for my...my pencil when I heard a scream. Turning around, I saw Flippy tear off Sniffles' head and rip out the guts inside. Blood and pieces of flesh were flying everywhere. I tried to run away, but everything was happening so fast. Then...I remember being hit in the face with something white...and that was it..."

Nodding his head gently, the judge said, "So...it sounds like you had lost consciousness as well. Okay, Mr. Moose...you may begin your cross-examination..."

--------

CROSS EXAMINATION

-- What Happened --

At the moment, Lumpy could only notice two odd parts in Nutty's testimony. "Witness...When you said you were looking for your 'pencil', you hesitated a bit? Why is that?"

Before Nutty could answer, Disco Bear slammed his hand on his desk and exclaimed, "OBJECTION! WHAT DOES IT MATTER HERE? MAYBE HE JUST STUTTERED A BIT ON ACCIDENT!"

"OBJECTION! WHY DON'T YOU LET THE WITNESS ANSWER THE QUESTIONS?" Lumpy shouted back, his knuckles white from being clenched so much. Turning to the blue moose attorney, Nutty replied, "Well...I was looking for my pencil. There's no way you can prove I did something else, right?"

Smirking, Lumpy reached into his suitcase and pulled out his evidence: a simple pencil. "I had the prints checked on this pencil," Lumpy said (Actually, he's lying about the prints), "And this...is your pencil! If you were so busy looking for your pencil, you would have found it because...it was lying right in the middle of the ground! Anyone with eyes would have been able to notice it stand out on that dull-looking rug!"

Nutty let out an angry cry and the jury burst out into talking amongst each other once again. As the judge banged his gavel demanding silence, Disco Bear shouted, "Lumpy! Then...what do you imply the witness was searching for?"

Unfortunately for the bear prosecutor, Lumpy had just the evidence he needed. Quickly reaching into his pocket, Lumpy pulled out a small piece of chocolate. The moment it was unveiled in the moose's palm (not the hand he uses to point at people), Nutty began to grow very fidgety all of the sudden. He just couldn't seem to keep still; he even started muttering to himself.

"Come on..." Lumpy coaxed, "Take it...I know you want it..." Before the judge could ask exactly what was going on, a loud crunching noise filled the courtroom. Nutty was chewing on something brown...and blue...and red. Lumpy, who now had only one arm, smirked and exclaimed, "Do you see that, Your Honor? He is not cured of his addiction! He bit my own godforsaken' arm off for a stupid piece of chocolate!"

"And...your point is...?" The judge asked, completely ignorant to the fact that Lumpy may soon die from excessive blood loss. Disco Bear, however, seemed to have gone pale.

Still feeling as energetic as ever, Lumpy exclaimed, "The point, Your Honor, is that the witness has been lying! Also...do you recall what the room of the murders was covered in besides blood and guts? It was...SUGAR! So...NUTTY KILLED EVERYONE...TO DEVOUR THE SUGAR THAT GOT ONTO THEIR BODIES JUST TO FILL HIS ADDICTION FOR SWEETS! NUTTY IS THE REAL MURDERER!"


	7. Chapter 7

"WWWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHAAAAAATTTTTT????"

Nutty's entire body was shaking violently as he bent forward and shouted, "H-H-How...how could you be so stupid? Why would I be the murderer? So...So what if there was sugar? Why don't you tell me what happened, then? Tell me what you think happened?"

Lumpy smirked at the disturbed looks on both Nutty and Disco Bear's faces before he began a lengthy explanation.

"Here's what I think may have happened...the party was going well up until the part popper. That was when Flippy fainted, and the bag of sugar that Flaky left in the room split open, covering everyone but Flippy with sugar. That was when you attacked them, biting into their flesh and devouring it just to feast your sick, twisted urges!"

Disco Bear slammed a hand on his desk and exclaimed, "O-OBJECTION! But...but remember what Flaky said? She didn't see any sugar and Flippy was the one killing, not Nutty! Care to explain this to us, Mr. Lumpy?" Things were looking good for the afro-wearing prosecutor.

"Well...Flaky was just mistaken! Let's go with that!" Lumpy cried, hoping everyone would buy it. For some reason, though...everyone did. The judge banged his gavel and declared, "I believe I finally have enough information to give my verdict. Nutty was the evil killer of those poor poor children, not Flippy. So...the defendant is 'NOT GUILTY'!"

Nutty tossed his head back and screamed up into the heavens in anguish. Disco Bear was so shocked by the outcome that he let out a huge shriek, causing all of the hair on his head to be blown off into the distance. The judge banged his gavel again and the trial was finally over...

* * *

"Hey, thanks for everything! You really helped me out back there!" Flippy said happily with a big smile on his lips once he and Lumpy met up outside the courthouse. Nutty had been taken away by the police and Disco Bear was weeping in a corner about his now-bald head. However, Lumpy didn't seem very happy. 

"I'm glad we won, but...some things didn't make sense, especially the fact you fainted from...THIS!" Pulling out the party popper from before, Lumpy pulled on the buttom and made a loud popping noise, spreading confetti all over the street. Lumpy chuckled to himself at this, before he felt a pair of hands wrap around his neck.

Lumpy let out a strangled gasp when he saw it was Flippy who was trying to kill him, and the light-green bear had a demonic grin on his face. "You did quite well, you stupid lawyer..." Flippy hissed, "But before I kill you, let me tell you something important...I WAS the one who killed Cuddles and the others. I just manipulated the scene with the sugar and used Nutty's obsession with it to my advantage..."

Before Lumpy could respond, Flippy snapped his wind pipe and tossed his body into the raod, causing it to be run over by the judge as he drove home. Cackling to himself, Flippy headed home to celebrate his freedome by watching 'Air Bud'...

* * *

A/N: Okay, the ending went kinda quick, but that's how it is. Now, I was thinking of another crossover-like project:

Maybe a Phoenix Wright/Cloverfield parody? Where the monster from the movie attacks the PW world?

Another idea was a sequel to this (I might not do it, actually), where everyone is back alive (in typical HTF fashion) and it's based around more like the 2nd game cases, where Lumpy is still as Phoenix and Petunia will be Franziska!


End file.
